We Broke up 10 Years Ago, so Why Am I Still Dreaming About You?
Does love ever die?
It is the same dream every time but in a different context. Carlos and I meet again, realise we’re still in love with each other and get back together. Initially, we’re happy but then I remember his secret and realise I have to end it again. Like some sort of PTSD flashback, I have been having this dream sporadically ever since I left him a decade ago because I found out he was gay.
It was a traumatic experience, I know, but also sort of not. I’d known for our entire thirteen-year relationship that he was bi, but I assumed he would remain faithful to me. And it’s not like he dumped me, I was in the driver’s seat. He didn’t want to break up at all and spent months after our separation trying to get me back. So if it was my decision, why is my psyche still so tormented by it?
I decided to do some research. First stop, dream dictionaries. Journey into Dreams said that dreaming of having a good time with your ex means you’re missing some aspect of your relationship with them. Well, that’s definitely true. I was 18 when I met Carlos, we studied together at an undergrad and postgrad level, worked together in the same business and lived with each other for years. We had our own in-jokes, our own language and shared the same friends. We had the same vision for…